My journey with infertility, continued

These blogs concerning infertility will have a lot of TMI, I want others to not feel alone and to now that these things can be talked about.

Continued.........

After the fourth month of chlomid it was decided that I go see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). I called to make an appointment discussed my history, and it was decided that I did not need to get a HSG test, and just some ultra sounds and follow up blood work. 

While I was waiting to get into the RE, I had just finished my fourth round of chlomid prior to that, I have an unexplainable pain near my lower abdomen on my right side.  I am standing in the kitchen at work when the pain hits me and I drop to the floor.  I remember one of my co-workers asking if she needed to call 911.  This pain was bad! Remember I have been through child birth once, this pain was very, very bad.  From a scale from 1-10 it was a 20, labor was a 6 or 7. I rest in my office chair, and give Matt a call to let him know what was going on. By the time I was off work it was a mild pain, so I stopped by target on the way home.  I walked to the back of the store and stopped, called Matt and told him the pain was back and I didn't know how I was going to make it back to the front of the store. Needless to say I figured something out and headed home to lay down. The next morning I call my OBGYN's office and they get me in right away.  They did an exam, I told me to come back the next day for an ultra sound, telling me nothing before i left. I go back the next morning and found out I had a cyst in my ovary rupture, and then filled up with blood.  OUCH!!  What does this mean??? Not sure so I called the RE's office and they got the information from the ultra sound.

I go to my RE appointment the next week with my mom.  It was just an evaluation so we thought we should save the time for Matt's work for when we would really need it. I got an ultra sound at the RE's office she found the cyst.  I said I can wait, I want to feel better before I start any other drugs.  The RE does an exam.  Then we go into his office.  He tells me I need to go on the pill to shrink the cyst, this works 9 out of 10 times.  Because of the rupture I have to get an HSG on the 3rd to 5th day of my period. I was bummed about all of this because I heard the test was painful. I also had to get blood work for a pregnancy test.  Of coarse it was negative. 

I prepped for my HSG test.  I went to the hospital, I felt like I waited an eternity for them to call me back.  I lay there on the cold table as the doctor inserts a catheter to inject dye into my uterus. As the dye filled my uterus I watched the screen as  the dye fills up my uterus and spills into my body.  All is clear no blockage or damage from the cyst.  Now I have to start my period again call the office and proceed. 

The next entry will be my journey with all the infertility drugs, ultra sounds, etc...

To be continued.....

My journey with infertility, continued

These blogs concerning infertility will have a lot of TMI, I want others to not feel alone and to now that these things can be talked about.

CONTINUED.......

It had finally happened I met the man I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with!!!
We were getting married, going to have children (4 if you asked me), live happily ever after.
.......Wow this blog is harder to write than I thought 😢....
So we got married, I went off the pill, called my doctor and started taking a new prescription plus prenatal vitamins. Low and behold we found out I was pregnant in October, I was just 4 weeks so we told our parents and siblings. Other than that we kept it to ourselves women with PCOS have a higher chance of miscarriage. What a blessing from God this truly was. I went to my 8 week appointment and we got to see a heartbeat, little arms and legs moving. Wow what a miracle. At Christmas time we were at the end of our first trimester and were happy to share the news with family and friends. All went well with this pregnancy, I ended up with an emergency c-section. Our spunky little girl had joined our family!!!!

While my body was trying to level out Matt was ready to have another baby. We agreed we would start trying after our baby turned 1. In my mind I wanted to get one out of diapers before I had another one in diapers.

So in September we found out I was pregnant again. Although I felt something wasn't quite right, when I called the doctors office they confirmed I was pregnant. I remember going to bed that night feeling off. I woke up the next morning, stood up, and had a gush of blood. At that moment I new what was happening. I called for Matt he came into the bathroom, I remember him trying to be positive and hopeful. Neither of us wanted to believe I was having a miscarriage. My mom, and 2 sisters never miscarried, it wasn't suppose to happen to me. I called the doctors office back they ran some blood work and called me a day or two later. The person that called me wasn't the normal nurse so she said yes you are pregnant. I remember sitting there on the phone thinking, there is no way I am pregnant, I have just had the worst period EVER in my life. Then she said oh, you are having a miscarriage. Really I didn't know that. I can still remember just sobbing, and sobbing, and sobbing. Poor Matt didn't know what to do with me. I felt like this went on for months. I didn't want Matt to touch me. I never wanted to go through this again. A miscarriage is not easy no matter how far along you are. If you have a friend go through this NEVER minimize it because of the number of weeks they are. God put some people in my life that were really helpful. One was a coworker that on a normal basis i see daily and don't chat with except at meetings, she completely stepped up and just chatted with me. She will probably never know how much she helped me.

So I had to go to the doctor in October he was very optimistic he said you can get pregnant it is a good sign. You will get pregnant again. If we need to visit the idea of some fertility drugs in the future we can. Another year goes by another doctors visit went by. We did some basic blood work found everything was normal. So I started taking clomid, the lowest dose. I took it the first month, the second month, the third month, the fourth month..... And then.

On a side note this was incredibly hard to blog about several days and many tears went in to this blog. Thank you for all those who read and for all the support.

TO BE CONTINUED.........

My journey with Infertility, the early days

These blogs concerning infertility will have a lot of TMI, I want others to not feel alone and to now that these things can be talked about.

It all started in the early 90's right after high school graduation. All of my friends were planning on going away to college and we were making the very best of our last summer together. I had not had my period for almost 3 months. There was in NO way I could be pregnant. I was a good girl and had very strong convictions regarding premarital sex. Besides I didn't even have a boy friend.😊
So I told my mom, she wasn't sure why it was happening so she called and spoke to her OBGYN. He said I needed to come in for an appointment. After much anxiety, worry and fear I went to my appointment ( and for those of you who know me know that my mom went with me). I survived the appointment and was advised to take a prescription to start my period. I was also told this happens sometimes and to call if it happens again. No other reason given. I went back to this doctor a few more times before he retired. Did I mention this doctor delivered me and all of my siblings?

So when the new doctor joined the practice I decided to start seeing him. I had, had one visit and he had mentioned I probably have ?$&@, I wasn't really listening.
In the mean time my mom was reading an article in a magazine about PCOS, she said look you have all of the symptoms they list in this article. Except one Infertility, I was still single I wasn't really worried about that part. So I make my next visit to the doctor and ask him about PCOS. He said you probably have it, lets run some fasting blood work and see what it looks like. Of coarse I had it, my mom was the one that had me find out for sure. In my heart I knew.


What is PCOS? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 out of 15 women. Often the symptoms begin in the teen years. Treatment can help control the symptoms and prevent long-term problems.

What are the symptoms?
Symptoms tend to be mild at first. You may have only a few symptoms or a lot of them. The most common symptoms are:
-Acne.
-Weight gain and trouble losing weight.
-Extra hair on the face and body. Often women get thicker and darker facial hair and more hair on the chest, belly, and back.
-Thinning hair on the scalp.
-Irregular periods. Often women with PCOS have fewer than nine periods a year. Some women have no periods. Others have very heavy bleeding.
-Fertility problems. Many women who have PCOS have trouble getting pregnant (infertility).
-Most women with PCOS grow many small cysts on their ovaries. That is why it is called polycystic ovary syndrome. The cysts are not harmful but lead to hormone imbalances.


So I say what do I do from here, it was determined I am insulin resistant so I was placed on birth control pills. I am not fond of the pill even it was for medical reasons. Remembering to take it daily, was a hassle. Although it did help with the severe cramps and my heavy periods. I used this method off and on for several years. In the back of my mind praying that one day I would be able to have children. Time moved on and I didn't worry much about this PCOS thing.

TO BE CONTINUED........

If you are a parent......

Are you always finding a way not to be with your child? Telling your child you will be back as soon as you can, but really you are lying to them? Putting them to bed right after you get home with them? Leaving them in church nursery/or the like, so you can talk with your friends 15 more minutes without the little buggers around?

What are you teaching them, that they are a burden, not valued, not loved?
How can a parent be their child's role model if every time you turn around you aren't their when you CAN be. Do you Really know what others are doing to influence your child? Whether they are 1 day old or 25 years old they will always look to you. What will they really see? Will they see someone who valued their time, their family, or someone who was looking for a way out, minimal time spent with family?? The choice is yours. Will your child turn to others for love, comfort, advice, guidance OR will they turn to you??

Grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. are great but they are not mom and dad. It isn't their job to spend more time with your littles than you do. Sure have support, help etc. know where your boundaries are. Make a log see who your child sees most? Should be interesting.

This is no way is saying you shouldn't work or provide for your child/family just don't go over board. A child isn't going to say my mom or dad loved me so much that they always made sure someone else was watching me. I would rather have my child say, remember that time when...we raced our cart after grocery shopping, or we played Candy-land after school, or you left work early and we went to the park, or you had vacation days and let me play hooky with you, or we got a movie, made popcorn and snuggled on the couch, or you read the precious word of God to me.

Saturday School (kindergarten prep event)

Ok, this may not sound pretty, but it is truly how I feel. The good, the bad and the ugly.

So in preparation to take our 3 year old to practice for kindergarten, I realized she isn't going to know anyone and neither are we. It's a good and bad feeling.

We arrived promptly (10 minutes early), checked her in and went to the gym to have a seat.
That's where it all started. I am watching these other parents dressed to the nines (for me Saturday is my dress down day, the ONLY day of the week I can wear my jeans and hoody), they are conversing with others they know saying things like "I hope our kids get the same teacher", I am saying in my head you are so fake and BTW there are 6 yes 6 kindergarten classrooms give me a break, they are saying in a valley girl voice "it's so good to see you", "it's been a long time", gagging at the fake conversation and their need to appear to fit in, draw attention to themselves and be cool.

I really feeling bad for my eye rolls, my internal laughter, and what I may have to "deal" with. I don't do fake, I can talk to anyone, it isn't important for me to fit in but it is important to me for our child to feel comfortable. I don't want to have to say things like "I totally haven't seen you in awhile", "did your kid do this cuz my kid did" etc.

I hate the feeling that there is a good ole boys club, and I am excluded because I don't know the right people. It is so high school and youth group ALL over again. I hate having people tell me what a great girls night they had with a group of people I know, am I suppose to be happy for you? Ugh!

People wonder why I am a guarded person, well I can't stand fake, I am not going to pretend you are God's gift to earth, if you are my friend I am loyal, honest, forgiving, and truthful. I don't need to name drop, brown nose, or feel obligated to do something for you if in your life you can't bring yourself to say hi when you see me on a weekly basis until you need something from me.

I know I have an entire year and 5 months before she stars kindergarten, I just don't want to be fake, dress like I am 16, compare my child to others, and wonder if she is being excluded because I didn't kiss the right rear end.

My dad always says "it's not what you know , it's who you know". I just don't understand why people treat others as if they are some kind of god. I feel I see this once a week and that is bad enough. I don't want to add it to 6 days a week. I spend Saturdays with my family :)

I already feel this way at another place I take her, and other things i participate in, I don't want to add one more thing.

Although my perspective could be wrong, Saturday School was just 2 hours, just have this over all feeling.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. :)

Teach your children well.....

Being a manager, interviewing, hiring, and training people over the years has shown me what a great job my parents really did. Not that I doubt them, but all those little things they added in to daily life really did justice with me. Yes it was their job to tell me and model for me their work ethic.
My dad was an engineer for several years, and then owned his own business until just a few years ago. My mom was a stay at home mom until my younger sister was in high school, she then joined the work force again.

So here is a list that has been compiled by my parents and myself:
1. When filling out an application bring your own pen, read ALL print, and firmly shake the managers hand, thank them for their time. Ask when to follow up, follow up if you are interested.
2. Leave references that are contactable. If the application says non family or friends can be a reference they mean it, be prepared to leave phone numbers for job references.
3. Dress the part, even when getting an application. I don't need to see the latest fashion. You shouldn't look like you rolled out of bed, just woke up, etc.
4. Interviewing. Show up 5 minutes early, again dress the part, don't drown yourself in perfume or any other over powering smells, make eye contact, answer all interview questions (it would be a good idea to prepare for questions harder than what is your availability), practice your interview with family or a friend, if you aren't sure how to answer a question ask for clarity take a deep breathe and calmly answer and never tell the person you are interviewing with that at your last job you were in a fight, hate your co-workers, your boss sucked, etc.
5. After the interview follow up in a few days, check and see if they can get ahold of your references.
6. When hired give it your all. (No you are not going to make $60,000 on your first job) Show up on time, actually as one of my teachers from high school would say "If you're early you're on time, if you're on time you're late, and if you're late there is no excuse", don't call in sick for a cold, a runny nose or a sneeze, don't have your mom or dad call for you. Don't text your boss to call in sick. Don't be a job hopper, it doesn't look good.
7. If you need to move on, do it on good terms. Give proper notice, show up EVERYDAY of that notice and still give it your all.

I feel like we are missing the mark with our kids. Things are handed to you for nothing, you have to work hard for them. You still have to clean toilets, do laundry, sweep floors, mop, vacuum, sometimes you have to do them at work you should already be dong this at home. Earn your keep.

Education is not just done at school :)

All day everyday YOU are teaching your children. Intentionally or unintentionally it is happening. I am always telling people, you're children hear everything, I mean EVERYTHING, especially when you don't want them to. Needless to say I too am learning from my own advice. The other day our daughter asked us if we still loved her. We were shocked, horrified and immediately explained that we will always love her. We said to each other why would a little girl this age ask such a question? Then I had my ah ha moment. Matt and I are always teasing each other and say do you still love me? Completely joking and know we love each other. So we don't do that one anymore lesson learned.

As I digress with my own personal story here is the real point of this blog. You are their model? Here are a few things to ask yourself 1. Are you putting God first? 2. Family next? etc we all know how this goes, are you being a responsible/good employee? Do you call in sick when you aren't sick (I am not talking about taking a personal day)? If your are in the checkout line and the checker misses an item do you tell her, or do you convince yourself that company makes enough money I must have earned it. Is it stealing when someone makes a mistake like that and you knowingly except? I say yes!

I have had to go back in a store and pay for the 99 cent box of goldfish that my little was snacking on while we shopped. No, I am not perfect, I just try to think what is this teaching her?

Are you teaching your children to be honest and truthful OR deceitful and liars?